wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
