i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
