wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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