She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
