ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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