So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She even gives head with a lisp.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
