I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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