i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
