i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Holy sore nipples Batman
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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