The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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