i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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