Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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