She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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