wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
