I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i've created a new STD.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
