Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I smell stomach acid.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
