She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
