my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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