We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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