i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
