i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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