A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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