Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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