I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drunk is not a location!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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