My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
