mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I didn't shave. On purpose
Did I show you my penis last night?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
