The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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