i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
