One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
God, I missed his penis.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
