You made me cry and you don't even care
I wish I could punch you in the face.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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