Non-Jews are for practice
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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