i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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