i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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