My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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