everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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