I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
