I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
