Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
