Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
