You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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