had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
