At least make sure they are 18
Why
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
