doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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