An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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