Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
