I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
