Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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