just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
