Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
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Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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