I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
