Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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